Beachcomber

(A fly lands on the inside of a rear window of a black SUV driving on the New Jersey Turnpike. There are two people in the back seat.)

“What are the options?”

“I don’t really know… we have a four day holiday weekend coming up.”

“Right. Is the problem only in our area.”

“So I am told. Or, at lease, we have the highest risk… centered around central New Jersey.”

“And we cannot tell anyone the truth?… about the UV levels and gamma radiation.”

“Cannot. Cannot. Must not.”

“We have to keep people out of the sun as much as possible over a long 4th of July weekend. This will be easy.”

“No, no fooling around… there is no way to do this without taking a serious hit. So, I think that is the first step… accept political defeat.”

“Do we have to keep people inside the whole time?”

“No… we just need to limit their exposure as much as possible.”

“Well… we could take advantage of this budget impasse. At very least we can shut down the beaches. What is the worst day?”

“Sunday, is supposed to be the worst day. That is a pretty low thing to do though… shut down the beaches over a holiday weekend.”

“We want to keep people out of the sun?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, if they are not at the beach, the amount of sun exposure goes down drastically. I mean, people spend allot of time in the sun at the beach where they wouldn’t otherwise, anywhere else.”

“True, but my point I guess, is that it is so obvious.”

“Then, be sure to go to the beach for a quick picture. Make sure a picture of you lounging around the closed beach, although you will only be there for a few minutes, and we can sell it as a media strategy in order to get your budget needs through… How long? The sun thing I mean.”

“They tell me until Monday night.”

“Great!! Then at least people can be out on the 4th. People will forget.”

“Think it’ll work?”

“Which part? I am kind of thinking that it is two bird with one stone material. I am somewhat pleased and surprised I thought of it.”

“I don’t know… we have a few days… think on it some more.”

“Right.”

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